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LPC 7 Medley 2
(Ring) Yeah. I’m just your neighbor, looking to borrow a broom here today. Yeah, well why don’t you go fuck yourself too? I don’t think that’ll do here today. (Echo effects) Why don’t you go stick it up your ass? Got some KY jelly? Remind you of when you were in the pen? Listen up pal. - (ring) Helloooo. (Effects added to voice) (ring) (Lots of effects) Helloooo, Hellooooo? Hello? (LPC Effects) Hellooooo, Hellooooo? Hi. Helloooo? Hello? Hellooooooooo? Hellooooooooooo? Hello? Hi, I was hoping to borrow your broom, if I could, just for a few minutes? Just, uh, you’d be helping us out, we’re stage hands here. Hey, you know what, quit, could you please fu, could you please fucking around with me? You realize this is a charity line? A pediatrics aged charity line, for children? Why are you such a fucking asshole? (LPC Effects) I need a BROOOOOM! You know what? Why don’t you suck my… (LPC Effects) I need a BROOOM! Why don’t you suck my fucking dick, man? I’ll tear your fucking heart out if I ever get my hands on you, you scumbag motherfucker. Quit calling this number. You gave me your number. You got that? You gave me the number. Bullshit. I never gave you this number, and stop calling me. I need a broom! Alright? ‘Cause I’ll just call ATT and get your number. (LPC effects) I NEED A BROOOOM! I need a broooom! You need a broom to fucking put the shit back in your mouth, asshole. (LPC effects) I neeeed a brooooom! - (ring) Hello? Hi, how you doin'? What company is this? Time Life (pitch change) and uh, calling about your expiration. Why you callin...Time Life Magazine? (pitch changes) Time Life. TIME LIFE! Ok, but don't call my cell phone anymore. (pitch lowered) I've got the squawk box. I've got a squawk box here. Yeah? I don't, I don't know who this is. Squawk box. SQUAWK BOX! What's a squawk box? Don't call my cell phone anymore, bye! Squawk box, right? (echo) What's a squawk box? Is this a video game or something? Well let me tell you. (echo and pitch effects). Kay, what is it? I need two hundred and forty-nine dollars. I'm not giving you two hundre...This is fraud, get off my phone. (Pitch change) TWO HUNDRED DOLLARS. - (Ring) Hello? Hello. Uh, stop calling me, I’m talking to, uh, a publicist. (LPC deep voice effects) I don’t, stop calling me. I need to borrow a broom. Uh, you, you’re not, you don’t need to, uh, just get off my phone. I need, I need to borrow a broom. A broom? (LPC effects) I need a broom, I need to borrow a broom. Stop calling me! I need to borrow a broom. I’m gonna change my phone number. Stop doing this. (LPC effects) I need to borrow a broom! Don’t do that. Don’t do that. Don’t do that. You’re not in McCall, Idaho. (LPC high pitched effects followed by low pitched effects) I NEED TO TALK TO YOU.(Repeats faintly for a few seconds over next lines) Stop calling my number. I’m talking, I’m an actor, so stop calling me. I’m talking to people in L.A. (unintelligible) I just left a message for somebody, and you cut on the line. Now I don’t know if they got it, and I need to call them again. (LPC effects) I NEED TO TALK TO YOU! Stop calling me. (LPC low pitched effects) Let me talk to you. Let me talk to you. LET ME TALK TO YOOOOOOOOUUUUU! You’re a, you’re an idiot. (unintelligible) You’re some cuckoo head. Get a real job. Help me out. I’m not gonna help you out. I need to use your broom. I’m not gonna help you out, so go to hell. This is fraud, and I’m gonna call the police, if you don’t stop. (LPC Effects) YOUR BROOOOOM! -- (ring) Pickup. Okay, what would you like? I want manurri, I want savatuuiii, you help me? Fucker. Help me with my order. (recipient’s accent seems to change, presumably to mock LPC) Okay, what would you like my friend? I would like manurriiii. Manurriiiii, ok my friend, that is a good choice. And, ummm, two rices. Two rices, okay, very good. And a mattuiiiiii. Okay, come again please. Uh, you give to me now, yes? Yeah, I give it to you know, you fucking habib. (hang up sound) - (Ring) Hello? Hello? Hello? (Call recipient answers and says name of business, but it is unintelligible) Hello, can you help me with an order? You keep calling again? No. You keep calling again? No sir. Why calling so many times, sir? For food. No, you do not for food. (echo effect) I want food! Ah, tonight. You’re bothering too, too, too, too, too, too much. Help me out with your food, please. You’re bothering me too, too, too, too, too, too, too much. You can help me. I have a call, a call, a caller ID, okay? Help me. (Echo) (Imitating LPC echo effect) Byyyyeeeeee. Bye! (Pitch effects) - Amoeba Music. Hi. Hi. (Chuckle) I'm after Duckling Fantasy. Wh...What genre is that? It's like squawk. (echo). Wow, you just have some crazy... Squelch? ...feedback echo. No, it's more of a squelch. That they've got a sound that I, I could describe it as 'squelch'. Ummm, say the album, or say the artist one more time. (severe pitch change of voice) M.C. Squawk Box. Woah! Crazy! M.C. Squawk Box! Your, your phone is goin' crazy. M.C. Squawk Box. M.C. Squawk Box? - (ring) Hello, Amoeba. Do you carry Squawk there? Squawk? Yeah. Let's find out...We do not have Squawk. Umm, Ok, how about Squat? Squat? Like I'm squatting to the floor? (pitch change) How about Squat? S-Q-U-A-T? (Low pitch) Squat. Do you want to do it without the sound effects, or do you want to do it with the sound effects? SQUAT! (echo) SQUAT! SQUAT! (echo) (Employee imitates LPC sound effects over word 'No', while LPC continues to say the word 'Squat') Nooooooooooo (squat) ooooooooooooooo (squat) oooooooooooooo (squat) ooooooooooo (hang up sound) - (ring) Amoeba. (LPC voice pitched down) Yeah, I'm looking for M.C. Squawk Box. Looking for a squawk box? Yes sir. Well we just sell records and tapes. (continued pitch change) How about Duckling Fantasy? What fantasy? Duckling Fantasy. (crazy pitch changes). Duckling Fantasies? Is it available for rental? Is it on cassette? Video cassette, cassetteeeeeeee (sound effects). Do you want a video cassette? We just sell 'em, we don't rent 'em. Let's purchase one...together. Oh, I don't have the cash, man. (severe echo) As far as I'm concerned, we can skip the song and dance, alright? I'm saving up all my money for a shamrock shake. (Very low pitch sound effects). - (ring) Hello, Wax Trax. Hi, do you have Duckling Fantasy? (echo). Duck Wing Fantasy? Ummm, I, Ummm, no, not down here. We don't... On cassette? (echo and pitch down effects) Uh, well, this is the CD store. How about M.C. Squawk Box? M.C. Squawk Box? Well, what do you want that on? Mleh... on cassette or vinyl. We don't carry anything on cassette now, uh, and if we have it on vinyl it's at our vinyl store, and I can give you that phone number. How about Duckling... Hello! ...Fantasy? Can you hear me? How about Duckling Fantasy? Can you hear me? Yes sir. Ok. Yes sir. Ok. I'm not gonna lie to you sir. Ok, if you're looking for this stuff on vinyl or cassette, this is the wrong store. Can we agree on the duckling part? Well, we can agree that if you're looking for vinyl or cassette, this is the wrong store. - (7:45 - 9:35 (end of track) - not yet transcribed) Category:Interloper Category:Celebrities